


A Blue Christmas

by learashi



Series: Christmas 2018 - Exceedingly Random Drabble Fest [1]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Christmas, Love, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/learashi/pseuds/learashi
Summary: “Blue is Satoshi’s favourite colour,” Jun said softly. He straightened a random bauble on the tree before beginning to hang the glittery icicles on the branch tips. “I want to make this Christmas perfect for him.”





	A Blue Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. Just dropping in between writing exchange fics. I just realized that I haven't posted anything since August! So since it's already December, I would like to welcome you to my “Exceedingly Random Christmas Drabbles for Christmas 2018”. When I began writing this one, I had no idea that it would turn out this way. I promise that the next one will be more cheerful. *hides*

“You know that you can always come to spend Christmas with my family,” Aiba offered.  
  
Jun shook his head and continued to sit and watch his roommate attempt to stuff his belongings haphazardly into a small bag. “Satoshi said that he would be home. I have to make things ready for when he arrives.”  
  
“Jun...you know…” Aiba struggled to find appropriate words. “The chances of him…being…”  
  
“Being not dead?” Jun’s eyes were red-rimmed, and his hair in disarray, but his voice was calm and sure. “Don’t panic; you can say the word without making me cry. Because he is definitely on his way home.”  
  
Aiba stopped packing his bags and moved closer to Jun, radiating sympathy as he did so. “I can stay.”

Jun pushed Aiba to one side and began to repack the bags, managing to slot in not only Aiba’s belongings, but also the pile of brightly wrapped gifts Aiba was taking home for his family.  
  
“Your mother would never forgive you, and neither will Satoshi. You know that it’s not Christmas to him without some of those spring rolls you bring home every year.”  
  
“I’ll get the others to check in on you.”  
  
Jun picked up the bag and thrust it into Aiba’s hands before dragging him to the door. “Not necessary. I’ll be fine.”  
  
Even though he wasn't convinced by Jun’s stoic words, Aiba gave his friend a lingering hug and headed out.  
  
++  
  
The tiny coffee shop was decorated to within an inch of its life. Tinsel and baubles covered every available space. Only the serving counter was free of clutter. Even the tables each had a centrepiece consisting of different colours of baubles formed into small wreaths decorated with glittering ribbons.  
  
The man behind the counter looked up with a smile, as Aiba breathlessly rushed in trailing an overnight bag and multiple bags of Christmas shopping behind him. “Aiba, thanks for decorating yesterday; even though Nino’s been grumping about it all day. But you're not scheduled to work today. Aren’t you supposed to be on your way home?”  
  
“I am, right now actually, Sho-chan,” Aiba panted, gratefully handing over some of the bags before dropping himself down on a chair at the table closest to him. “I just dropped in to ask you to look after Jun while I’m away.”  
  
Sho’s expression instantly darkened, and he turned towards the small kitchen out the back, calling for his business partner and friend. They were all deeply concerned about Jun, and his reluctance to accept the inevitable. “Nino, have you got a minute?”  
  
A small man with a smear of flour on his cheek popped his head around the doorway and grumbled, “I’m in the middle of making another batch of scones. Somehow the first batch disappeared, even though we haven’t had any customers yet.”  
  
Sho looked guilty, but ignored Nino’s accusation. “It’s about Jun.”  
  
Nino immediately whipped off his apron and sat down opposite Aiba. “Has he heard any news about Satoshi?”  
  
“No,” Aiba said sadly. “But Jun still has this unshakable conviction that Satoshi will still be home for Christmas.”  
  
They all sat in silence for a moment as they thought of their friend, and Jun’s boyfriend, Satoshi, missing presumed dead, after his fishing charter boat had sunk after a collision with a freighter.  
  
Sho spoke first, voicing what they were all thinking, “We all would love for that to be true, but I’m afraid that it’s time that Jun faced the fact that Satoshi’s gone.”  
  
“But they never found his...you know…body,” Aiba said with a shudder.  
  
“I don't think it’s possible for him to still be dog paddling out there after three weeks,” Nino said harshly, making Aiba flinch. “The stupid old man.” A moment later he abruptly jumped to his feet and dashed back to his kitchen, wiping his eyes with his apron as he went.  
  
Sho patted Aiba’s shoulder consolingly. “You know he didn't mean it. He misses him terribly. We all do. Don't worry, go to your family. Nino and I will make sure Jun is okay.”  
  
++  
  
When Jun answered the door, he was wearing a strand of blue tinsel around his neck and had glitter on his cheek. He smiled and stood back to allow Sho and Nino entry. “Just in time. I’m trying to string lights on the ceiling and I need someone to hold the ladder for me, unless you’d like to climb up while I roll out the cables.”  
  
Sho shuddered at the mention of ladders, and shook his head as he tried to hide behind Nino, who was laden with carrier bags full of food.  
  
Nino pushed Sho to one side and rolled his eyes. “Jun, you know that word is banned around Sho after the Halloween decoration debacle.”  
  
“Sorry Sho-kun,” Jun said with a smile which didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I was only kidding.”  
  
“Um, Jun,” Nino said hesitantly as he looked around the living room. “That’s a whole lot of decorations you have there.  
  
The floor was covered with piles of blue tinsel, baubles, streamers, even a blue tinsel Christmas tree, sitting ready to be covered with blue icicles. Strings of blue lights snaked across the floor where Jun had unrolled them in readiness to hang.  
  
“Blue is Satoshi’s favourite colour,” Jun said softly. He straightened a random bauble on the tree before beginning to hang the glittery icicles on the branch tips. “I want to make this Christmas perfect for him.”  
  
“Jun…” Sho exchanged a worried glance with Nino, who looked equally as concerned.  
  
“Don’t worry, I know what you’re going to say,” Jun responded defiantly. “I know what happened to Satoshi’s ship and I know that he hasn’t been seen since. I know that you think that I’m losing my mind, but I _know_ that he will be here for Christmas, because he promised me. So you can either help me put these decorations up, or leave.” Jun’s eyebrows scrunched as he added, “Your choice.”  
  
“Of course we’ll stay.” Nino toed off his shoes and slid on a pair of fluffy guest slippers. He shifted the carrier bags to one hand and unwound his scarf with the other before making his way into the apartment, carefully stepping around the mess as he made his way to the kitchen. “We bought food, intending to have dinner with you anyway.”  
  
Following Nino to the kitchen, Jun pointed to three storage containers sitting stacked on the countertop. “That’s perfect, because I made three different trial batches of Christmas cookies today, and I need you to tell me which ones Satoshi would like best. That way I can bake another batch tomorrow on Christmas Eve and they’ll still be warm when he gets here.”  
  
“Okay,” Nino replied, using a gentle tone. “But let’s eat first, you look thin.”  
  
“And then we’ll help you put the decorations up,” Sho added. “Or at least I’ll hold the ladder steady while you and Nino hang them.”  
  
All throughout the meal and the decorating session afterwards Jun kept up a steady flow of chatter, all surrounding his eager anticipation of Satoshi’s return on Christmas Eve. Even though their hearts were breaking, Sho and Nino nodded and smiled, going along with the charade.  
  
++  
  
The soft murmur of Christmas carols coming from Satoshi’s stereo in the corner lulled Jun as he sat in the semi-darkness of the living room. The blue fairy lights effused ceiling with a blue glow, reflecting off the glittering tinsel and making Jun feel as if he was being engulfed in flickering blue flames.

It was almost midnight and would be Christmas day in only a few minutes. The cookies heaped up on a plate resting on the coffee table in front of him were now cold and had lost their aroma. Jun’s phone had buzzed with a volley of calls from his friends throughout the evening, but he hadn't bothered to respond to their messages. He could understand their concerns, but he lacked the energy to respond.

Doubt was creeping into Jun’s heart as he stood and gazed out the window watching as a smattering of snowflakes drifted through the frosty air. The day was almost gone and he was still alone; Satoshi was still as far away as ever. For the first time, the tiny flame of hope being nurtured deep within seemed to falter, as Jun felt the weight of his suppressed grief threatening to overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the window, welcoming the cold feeling of the glass pressing against his forehead.

A few moments later, the familiar scent of ozone and freshly baked bread filled Jun’s nostrils as a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind. Jun leaned back into the embrace, keeping his eyes closed as he cupped his hands over those holding him tightly. “You’re late. I expected you hours ago.”

“You know me; I always lose track of the time when I'm at sea,” Satoshi replied. His voice was slightly rough, but his lips were soft as he pressed them against the tender skin just below Jun’s right ear. He moved his mouth lower, gently nipping at the mole on Jun’s neck in the way which always made Jun shiver.

Jun twisted around to face his lover, noting that his hair was hanging in wet tendrils around his face and that his clothes were damp too. He brushed his fingers against Satoshi’s cheek and frowned at the chill feeling of his skin. “How many times have I told you to wear a hat and a proper jacket when it snows?”

Satoshi shrugged and pulled Jun flush against his body. “As much as I usually enjoy you being a mother hen, there are other things I’d rather being doing with you in the time we have before sunrise.”

Satoshi’s hands were cold as they slid up Jun’s back underneath his shirt, stroking his skin as he captured his lips in a lingering kiss, exploring Jun’s mouth with sudden urgency. Jun allowed Satoshi to draw him towards the bedroom, leaving a trail of discarded clothing behind them. Satoshi refused to break their kiss as they stumbled over furniture and bounced off the walls, not leaving Jun enough spare breath left to question Satoshi’s odd choice of words.  
  
++  
  
The next morning, on Christmas Day, Jun woke and stretched lazily, enjoying the ache in his lower half. Satoshi had taken him repeatedly, with a heady mixture of frenetic desire and tenderness, until Jun had fallen asleep in his arms. Jun realised that he’d forgotten to close the bedroom curtains, and the first rays of light were spearing through the windowpane, hitting one of the strands of blue tinsel and projecting sparks of bright blue across the ceiling.

Entranced by the reflections, Jun turned to wake Satoshi, so that he could join him in enjoying the moment, before sleeping for a few hours more. But the other side of the bed was cold and the rumpled sheets were empty, except for a layer of fine sand which scraped across Jun’s fingers as he reached for Satoshi. Sitting up, Jun looked around frantically searching for a sign that he wasn’t losing his mind, and had merely imagined Satoshi’s presence the night before. A moment later he saw it - resting on the pillow was a tiny blue spiral shell.  
  
Jun picked up the fragile shell and clutched it tightly in his hand, pressing it too his lips as he breathed in the lingering familiar scent of Satoshi. Ignoring the loud knocking and yelling which seemed to be coming from the front door to the apartment, he curled into a tiny ball on Satoshi's side of the bed, and began to weep.


End file.
